You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
you're hired as official boob wrangler
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
