2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Randomize
