im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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