as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
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Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
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I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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