Me. At least after what I've been through.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
It's never too late to be topless.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
