Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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