Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
