OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
