When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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