It's just like the Real World with babies
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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