dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
