my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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