clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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