How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
