dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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