Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
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I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
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Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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