I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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