Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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