but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
