If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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