You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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