There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
