I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Im part way to drunk.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
