But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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