We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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