it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
