At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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