He felt like a one man threesome
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
