Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
