cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
