Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
