We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
