Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
