She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
