found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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