that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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