no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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