you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
