1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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