i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
