i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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