...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We talked him into tasing himself.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
