I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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