Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Please don't give away my fajitas
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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