Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
