As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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