seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
