Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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