I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
