When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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