in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
