god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
