Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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