shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize