Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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