Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
