apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
