airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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