i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
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So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
So many bounce houses so little time
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
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there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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