Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
