I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
