Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
