I'm going to jail i love you
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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