Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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