Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
