why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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