I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
